by Gurani Anjali
Why the need to relate? Where is the need? Who needs to relate? When does one need to relate? Why relate? Relate to whom? Where does one begin? How does one relate? Uncertainty…what is it? In the midst of uncertainty, where does the urgency to relate come from? Is there a technique that can be used effectively that will eliminate uncertainty? The basis of all suffering is ignorance, which presents itself in many ways: fear, anger, greed, lust, hatred, insecurity. Hence, the need to relate is desire. Therefore, it is necessary to relate, for evolution must take place.
The need to be something propels us into action. We are pressured each day with demanding situations our circumstances present. Our life is cause and effect. Through it, we experience the powers: the sun and the moon, earth, water, fire, wind, and space, the power of speech, with its verbal commands and demands, harsh and soft. Language, whichever it may be (English, French, Norwegian, Hindi, German, etc.). is verbally rendered. Language is also an art.
The how-to and when-to must be taken into consideration: poise, reflection, and consideration are necessary in relationships. Discrimination [between the real and unreal] in thought, word and deed is necessary, for in the moment, one must act. This is of utmost importance: a thing in itself cannot exist, for we cannot exist without the help of all that surrounds us. If awareness and alertness to life are not already there, then one must cultivate these, for our lives are held in the balance of cause and effect, to be or not to be.
Not-knowing keeps us in suspense and drives us to relate on many levels, human, and animal, with objects of pleasure and pain. This brings us to the point of knowing. Knowing secures us a place to be in, to live in, to be able to smile and feel good. None of us want pain; pain is anguish! Suffering! Everyone around us, who is dear to us, feels our sorrow. Sometimes they can come to our aid, and at other times they just are witnesses to our painful situations, unable to do anything.
Therefore, individually or collectively, we have to take responsibility for what we do and say. To ease this suffering, we must seek out knowledge, wherever and whenever we can find it. Our circumstances are constantly presenting us with many possibilities. In suffering, the need to relate is born. We are on the move; individually and collectively, we are moving. Historical and cultural factors are continuing to affect us deeply. When we are all alone and cannot feel content, we are compelled to seek out situations, wherein we may relate by impressing and expressing our state of being. Due to our need to bring out the desired result, the emotional state at this time is full of anxiety and turmoil. Anticipation with a strong sense of expectation is at its peak. We must be very careful at this time, since the need to relate makes us vulnerable.
When does one need to relate? One needs to relate when one is needed; physically, mentally, or spiritually. We have to have a clear understanding of the physical plane of existence, the mental plane of existence, and the spiritual plane of existence. An acute awareness of life is important for circumstances to flow with ease. We must also remember that life is a flux of three moments: past, present and future. With this in mind, we will be able to use our discriminative powers [discerning the real from the unreal] to bring out the essentials, necessary for liberation from pain.
Uncertainty is ‘not-knowing.’ Indecision and doubt arise. Uncertainty is a period in existence, a space that is devoid of all meaning; nothing is there – emptiness. It is a pure place. Fools rush into this place with their clumsy, narcissistic, egocentric weakness. This place is sacred and many die when they meet with this place, the silent deep. We are to stand still and take a deep breath. Fill up the lungs and exhale the fear when we come face to face with this feeling of uncertainty. With the reinforcement of life, through the breath, we are able to collect our thoughts and adjust to the present,, which is all that we are really certain of. For this uncertainty, space, is our refuge, protector, upholder, and the sustainer of our lives. It is both mother and father to us, telling us to wait, stop, think about it. Like mother and father, this place is sacred. Remember when we were children? We felt protected; mother and father were always there to advise us. They knew everything. When we were young, mother and father could do no wrong. No one could say anything negative about them; we would not stand for it.
But now, in adulthood, there is no mom and dad. They’ve left us with this space, uncertainty, as their parents did with them. This process reoccurs from generation to generation. Parents can never be replaced. No one can take their place, and when they leave, that place of uncertainty becomes real to us; We feel the impact of its presence very strongly in every circumstance of our life. They were, and are, our only refuge. When there was no one else around, there was always mom and dad. Though we may have fought with them as adults from time to time, we always were defeated when brought to the point of the recognition of the parent/child relationship. I’ll go it alone, I’ll do it my way, I don’t need anyone, I can take care of myself, I’ll show them, I’ll learn to live with it, etc., are phrases born out of insecurity, fear of the unknown, the unexpected, the uncertainty. Yes, in this place, we are left all alone.
Uncertainty (space) is experienced by all living beings: the good, bad, and the indifferent. Isolation is a terrifying state to be in. Turn your thoughts on species other than human. Think of how other lives change due to climatic and natural catastrophes. The despair they are faced with, the unknown uncertainty! Think of the little chick, deprived of its mother. Think of the little puppy deprived of its mother. Think of all the pets humans possess. Humans, at times, are very abusive to these living beings.
The whole world is running away from and into emptiness. Now that we know to some extent what uncertainty is, let us accept it, like death, which is a fact of life. But death only implies rebirth. We are not to waste time and pure living by constantly running away from it. We must accept the unavoidable and be still in the presence of it, for silence is its essence, and we are born of it.
We never consciously feared the unknown when we were very young, because we were loved and protected. But now we have to be adults. What does that mean? It means grow up, take responsibility for what is. Uphold, support, sustain life, give meaning to it; continue life like our parents did. Face the inevitable emptiness; the voidness.
This existence must be fully understood. Historical and cultural values ought to be recognized. How great a part does language play in your movements of everyday living? What power pushes the words out of your mouth? How are the expressions, gentle or crude, impressed and then embodied?
Technique: when fear arises, breathe in, drink cold water. When compelled to act, balance yourself, stay in your breath, and know your intentionality. Is it selfish or unselfish? Once we respect and recognize the power of uncertainty, we will be strong. It is very difficult to accept any form of pain and the pain of uncertainty, with all that surrounds it, is unbearable. For one to embody the reality of this phantom experience, repetition of incidents and recognition of isolated feelings are necessary to endure the pain, which is short-lived. For nothing lasts forever except uncertainty, which compels us to be.
Om, shanti,
Gurani Anjali